Sunday, August 23, 2015

final

on august 21 we re-finalized our adoption! it's not required, as it was finalized in china, but it is strongly recommended as it's the only way she can get a birth certificate. additionally, if we ever lose our chinese paperwork, there's absolutely no way to get another copy, so we'd have no proof of adoption.

so, now it's extra final! we had a very quick and easy court appearance with a judge that seemed nearly as excited as were are. we found out our court date the week before, so we didn't get much time to plan or invite people. fortunately, lao lao and ye ye were able to move up the closing for their house and came out for just 24 hours between two other flights to be there for big day. unfortunately, i misplaced my phone just before the big event, so i was only able to get a single picture that our attorney took for us. no matter, though, it's a wonderful picture and we'll forever have the day in our hearts.

nearly as exciting is the most recent milestone of learning "no!" it's by far Yun's favorite word, and it's getting old really fast. it is funny how intent she is in using it at every possible opportunity, but she manages to find far more opportunities than seem plausible. here's to hoping she gets more vocabulary very soon!

she's still growing bit by bit, and thankfully we're enjoying a nice stretch without an appearance from another tooth. and while we're sure you find these details just as thrilling as we do, we're going to give you a break from all the day to day happenings. so, this will be our final post for awhile. we'll update you with any major news as it comes, but otherwise please call or visit for updates!

love, tay

Sunday, July 19, 2015

'tis the season

as parents of school-age kids get ready for back to school season, i'll be gearing up for back to work! i've finally hammered out a schedule with the daycare and my office, and i'm pleased to announce i'll be returning to work part-time in august! i'm so very thrilled to be going back to work - i've missed it so very much. and i'm feeling so much better about daycare since we've been able to work out a plan to slowly phase her in to full-time care over a couple of months. i'm sure it will still be difficult, but we'll adjust. we always do.

although Yun hasn't grown as much as i'd have liked over the past month, she is still learning and changing every day. her first english words are "good girl," which she proudly proclaims to frankie as often as possible. it's only natural that she's selected an opportunity to praise frankie as one of her first forays into spoken language. those two are just ridiculously adorable - and patient with one another.

Yun recently had a visit from her Nai Nai and uncle and had such a nice time getting to know them. i know she'll enjoy getting to know each of her relatives with every visit. hoping to see more family soon! Yun loves any adoring attention!

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

transitions

Yun continues to gain weight and has grown nearly an inch since her last appointment with the pediatrician. as awful as they are, all the appointments between visits to the pediatrician help us track her growth more closely, which is nice. with every appointment, i'm always so anxious to see how much she's gained. she returns to the pediatrician next week, and i'm pretty sure we'll have more good news on the height and weight front.

beyond all the medical appointments, we've been spending an increasing amount of time discussing and preparing for my impending return to work. we found a daycare that we love. it's home-based care, with all the teachers being primary mandarin speakers. they do about an hour of english a day, but the rest of the day is all in mandarin. we think she'll really love it.... eventually.

she's had a few short visits to the daycare and seems to be really struggling upon coming home each time. i know she's simply not ready. no kid should have to go to daycare before she's ready, but i think a lot of people don't understand the struggles that adopted children face. Yun isn't yet attached (a normal, healthy attachment process for an adopted child takes about a year), so putting her in daycare at this point can seriously damage and/or delay the attachment process. she has been abandoned at least once and then removed from everything she knew at least twice. she has had major surgery with no one to hold her and comfort her while confused and in pain. she is not just like any other kid (who has had the same parent(s) throughout life) transitioning to daycare. and our visit from the social worker today (adoptive families have to submit reports to China for 5 years after placement) confirmed my instincts. in her words, "she's clearly showing signs that she is not ready for daycare."

unfortunately, i have to return to work. as the sole income earner for our family (with medical bills piling up), it's just not possible for me to stay home any longer. it's kind of surreal for me to advocate for family leave and hear so many horror stories day after day to now be one of those stories - sick baby, but can't afford to stay home. yet, i'm considered the one of lucky ones as i've had twelve weeks with partial pay. many people don't get nearly that. and while i'm grateful, i certainly don't feel lucky.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

xiexie

it seems we have already instilled good manners in our little babe. she's started saying "xiexie" or thank you. it's the funniest thing. and with a perfect tone, unlike her mama. she is also fond of "wei," which is used when answering the telephone. she holds her hand (or fork, or monitor) to her cheek when she says it, imitating us answering the phone. funny what they pick up and start to mimic. when you call her name, she points to herself, so her comprehension is getting better. she has a hearing test on monday to make sure any delays aren't because of auditory problems. in the meantime, it's clear she's starting to pick things up. looking forward to seeing what her next words will be!

Monday, June 15, 2015

grateful

i cannot say enough about the wonderful, wonderful weather we've been having. it's ridiculously amazing. what's that, you came here to read about the baby? well, okay.

she is FINALLY gaining weight! you cannot imagine the joy i experienced when the doctor told me her weight at her last appointment. she's on her 3rd infection, still has symptoms of giardia and currently has 2 molars coming in. but she's growing! at last! her walking is improving, and she is all over the place. she's getting much more accepting of grass (she voluntarily walked in it today) and even of water and cold foods. things are looking up!

today i learned from our adoption agency that international adoptions by americans have dropped by 70% in the last decade. i imagine there are a lot of reasons for this, but the one they point to is the fact that international adoption no longer means bringing home a "healthy infant." today, the children waiting for families are those with special health needs, most of whom are aged 5 and up. these needs are all across the spectrum, but apparently must be a turn off for people who may have considered adoption, otherwise.

of course we knew this information going into the process, but i cannot tell you how unprepared i was to read about so many children with serious needs (through the agency's blog and other announcements. families don't scroll through kids and read about them and pick their favorite. not how adoption works.), but also their incredible spirits. looking into the face of my own daughter, i am amazed at the resiliency of children - children who have suffered and hurt and experienced unbelievable loss during the most important periods of their lives.

every day i am so grateful that i trusted myself (and that anthony did, too) and chose adoption. we are so lucky to have been on this journey and to now continue it with Yun.

Friday, June 5, 2015

baby steps

since my last post my computer crashed and my phone took a swim in the toilet. i was panicked because all my pictures are stored on the computer and i hadn't backed up since our china trip. i couldn't believe i lost all the pictures of my first moments with Yun (not to mention the last 15 years of my life, including our wedding). i ended up completely rebuilding my database, doing a bunch of updates and then backing up. fortunately it worked, but my hate for apple devices has only grown deeper.

the phone is another story. it died instantly and i was without for several days. i bought a new one but hadn't backed up in over 6 months, and despite restoring to that backup, lost every text, note, ibook, photo, etc. it was all gone. fortunately, i had sent videos of Yun's first steps to people and was able to recover that. phew! (again, hate has grown deeper.)

SO - Yun is walking!!! we're thrilled that she's making developmental progress. she's had lots of doctor's appointments, and things are looking good. her kidneys are good, and it appears we can hold off on surgery for now, if not altogether. she still has to get a bunch more screenings and more doctor's visits now scheduled into september, but fortunately she's doing well. she's not gaining weight and still has symptoms of giardia, which is troubling but not uncommon. we'll get her re-tested in about 2 weeks. in the meantime, we're hoping she starts feeling better. and starts sleeping. good god let this baby start sleeping through the night.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

by the way

For those of you who donated, we wanted to let you know that we received a document from the Civil Affairs office in Guangzhou, certifying our donation of 35,000 RMB (at the time, about $5,850 USD) to the orphanage. Very official and all good! While in Guangzhou, we were also able to donate bags of diapers and formula. The orphanage takes in hundreds of new children every year (yes, hundreds every year at this one orphanage), so all of your support is very much appreciated and needed. Thank you, again, to all of you that made this happen.

We're all getting settled in and going to seemingly endless appointments. Yun's given 12 vials of blood so far, and if she liked ice cream (she doesn't!) we'd surely have given her all she wanted after the string of rough appointments she's had in just her first 2 weeks home. We've many more to go, on top of day care tours, which are actually going pretty well! In the meantime, we're still getting wonderful food deliveries and taking lots of walks around the neighborhood. Thankfully, the weather has been absolutely glorious since we returned home, so we've been able to spend lots of time on the deck (no grass, grass is scary) and out and about in the stroller.

Still haven't gone through pictures, but it's still on our list. Hope to share more soon!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

settling in

apologies for the radio silence. it was impossible to post in china, and since returning home it's been, well, impossible to post. we've had a rough go of it the past couple weeks. Yun's been sick - sick enough that i (tatsuko) had to take her to the hospital in the middle of the night in Guangzhou. i ended up giving her antibiotics, which seemed to help… until it didn't. by the time we arrived home, things were coming to a head with this sickness. pretty quickly the rest of us caught it and i seemed to get the worst of it. i was bedridden for three days, unable to stand for part of that. thankfully, anthony was able to rally and take care of her nearly round the clock. additionally, we've had some amazing meal deliveries (some with alcoholic beverages included) from incredible friends from the very first day we arrived home, which has been a tremendous help.

there is so much to say about our time in china. it's been the most difficult experience of my life, and it's such a relief to finally be getting settled. one of my goals for this week is to get my pictures uploaded to my computer. it will take me some time to sort through them, but eventually i do hope to share more about our adventure. in the meantime, Yun and Frankie both have doctor's appointments (it's looking like hepatitis for sweet little Frankie, who is absolutely obsessed with Yun), and i'll be looking into day care and doing a hundred other things.

hoping to post more as i continue to get my bearings! oh, and i think we should start a list of the things no one told me about becoming a parent. here's what's at top of mind today:

1. teething isn't just bad. it's absolutely horrible. up yours evolution.
2. when the hell am i supposed to eat?
3. yes, you really do need a high chair. when the hell are they shipping that thing?
4. um, waterproof mattress cover anyone? 2-day shipping please!

Sunday, April 19, 2015

little cloud

Since we haven't formally announced it (you know, like on Facebook), our little bit's name is Yun Qiu He Go. Yun means cloud, which we think will fit in quite nicely in lovely Seattle. We hear many kids are given nicknames with "xiao" or "little". So, you'll probably hear us calling her Xiao Yun. Our little cloud.

Tatsuko leaves this week, which really just blows our minds. The plan is that she will post occasional updates while in China, but please understand that this is going to be a wonderfully overwhelming trip with many, many appointments. Any down time will be spent simply spending time with our girl, but we'll do our best to share what we can. So, unless something big comes up, the next post will probably be from Guangzhou! 

Thursday, April 16, 2015

final fundraising report

Well, you guys really knocked it out of the park. We raised just over $5,500! Pretty damn incredible. We cannot thank you enough for supporting us in this journey. You will forever be in our hearts for helping us give back to the institution that brought our daughter into our lives. Nothing beats that. Nothing. So give yourselves a pat on the back and an extra round of drinks! Hurrah!

Monday, April 13, 2015

getting it together

Maureen came into town (yes, the one from the letter - the one that keeps our lives in order and makes sure the world stays on its axis) to help us finish putting our house together before Tatsuko leaves for China next week (!). The kitchen is done and we have a new furnace that works and is much quieter! We also put a lot of work in pulling the nursery together. We have a few final touches (plus things to buy like diapers and wipes), but it has really come together nicely.

Things came together so nicely that we were able to host a little get together over the weekend. It was great to see people and to share our home at last. Our home is now filled with warmth and love for our little one. And is much more organized to boot!

As far as fundraising goes… We were so busy this weekend that we haven't yet closed the fundraiser. We heard from a couple people that they didn't realize the time had come, so know that you'll have a little more time. We'll be transferring the money over on Wednesday morning, so here's your real last chance.

Thank you so, so much. Stay tuned for the final tally plus baby's name later this week.

Monday, April 6, 2015

fundraising update #3 (final week!)

We have some BIG NEWS to share this week!

First we are just over TWO THIRDS of the way to our fundraising goal (see this post about our donation fundraiser if you're just tuning in)! WOW! It has been so incredible to watch the account grow over the last month. So many of you have been excited about our commitment to giving back, which really makes us burst with pride. We are so lucky to have such amazing people in our lives!

In related news, Tatsuko is headed to China in just two and a half weeks! She'll be traveling with her sibling, Kiyomi, before Anthony joins about 10 days in. Our visas should arrive in the next few days!

So, we'll need to wrap up donations VERY SOON. The orphanages don't accept checks, so we have two choices: 1. Carry $6,000 in cash or 2. Wire the money. Most people wire the money (as we explained earlier, our agency facilitates these donations all the time - weekly, at least). So, we'll need to send a check to our agency, who will then wire the money around the time that we leave for China. They do recommend sending the check early in case things go wrong (which has happened for us quite frequently in this process).

This means we have until SATURDAY to collect any remaining donations. So if you've been wanting to donate but have been putting it off - NOW is the time to press that DONATE button to the left!

We cannot thank you enough for all of your support, love and encouragement!

Monday, March 30, 2015

adoption 101

We had to do a lot of trainings in order to be approved to adopt. Most of the training hours are part of the home study process, which also includes writing assignments, several interviews, a home tour (we had to do this part twice), fingerprinting, background checks, and many, many other steps. As we get closer to bringing our daughter home, we find ourselves wondering whether we should be reviewing some of those training videos, or perhaps reading one or two of those books we bought way back when.

We'll probably email a video or two directly to those of you that will be spending time with her in the early months, to help you understand what it's like to be raised in orphanage and what children experience when they are (essentially kidnapped to be) brought to an adoptive home.

She will, without a doubt, be very confused. Experts recommend that to limit confusion, we need to limit the stimuli. For example, keep the toys and other material items to a minimum. And, especially, keep the new faces to a minimum. Having new people come in and out for the first month or two will only confuse her more, and may delay attachment to her adoptive parents (yep, that's us!). So, don't be offended if we ask you to take a step back and avoid visiting until summer. We know you're excited, but please keep in mind that this child will be experiencing considerable trauma and we need to do everything we can to help her feel safe. That is, after all, our job as her parents.

We can't really predict how she'll react, but the trainings will hopefully help us to keep some perspective if she rejects one or both of us (more likely mom!), initially. If you're interested in more information, just ask!

In the meantime, here are a couple of the books we'll be reading over the next month:

The Family of Adoption, by Joyce Maguire Pavao
Parenting your Internationally Adopted Child, by Patty Cogen

In other news: the remodel continues to drag on. Should be (better be) wrapped up in less than two weeks. And we just learned we need to replace our furnace. Yippee!

Sunday, March 22, 2015

fundraising update #2

well, we're making some significant fundraising progress thanks to your generosity! we're now at 35% of our goal, which means we're more than a third of the way there!

that's not the only news. we recently received an indication that we may be traveling sooner than expected. of course, nothing is certain at this point. we should know more in another week. which means tatsuko better get to work on her visa application!

it also means we've got a lot of other work to do! the kitchen is nearing completion, but finding the time to hammer out the final projects (yes, thats a pun) is proving impossible. anthony is away at training for 2 weeks and then will be in start-up mode the moment he arrives back. tatsuko has been working a whole lot of 12 hour days through the legislative session. all this means that we are woefully unprepared to bring a toddler into this house.

life couldn't get much crazier. we are surely gluttons for punishment. can't wait to get that girl home and spend some time re-focusing. in the meantime, we'll be working to make sure our kitchen is functional and she has a room to sleep in. and that the outlets are protected from curious fingers. the rest will take care of itself, right?

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

-isms: part 1

There are a lot of "-isms" we're grappling with while also coming to terms with the fact that we're becoming parents. But the most egregious one we're facing these days is racism. (Yes, we've gotten a number of racist comments and questions, already.)

Our daughter is Chinese. She will be raised to know that she is Chinese. We will raise her as an American, because we are American. But she will know she is Chinese. We will give her every opportunity we can to explore her Chinese identity. And we expect everyone that we share our lives with to understand and respect that.

Here's an excerpt from our agency: "Sometimes families hope that by adopting from an Asian country, their child won’t have to deal with racism or racial issues as an Asian in the United States. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Even “positive” stereotypes can be very hurtful. Many children who are adopted transracially deal not only with identity issues related to adoption, but also identity issues related to race."

And here are some recommended books:


We can only hope our daughter faces less racism (than Tatsuko and her family) as she gets older and people of color become the majority population (hallelujah!). We encourage all of you to get educated about transracial adoption and consider what our child will be experiencing as she grows up outside her country (and her family) of origin. At some point she's going to have an identity crisis (or more than one if she's anything like her adoptive parents), and we hope all of you will be there to help us support her in exploring how she identifies and how that might change over time. 

Monday, March 9, 2015

fundraising update #1

Wondering how the fundraising is going? We're 13% of the way to our goal! Each donor has been very generous, and we are so thrilled by the love and support we've received. Thank you so much!

If you are still interested in donating but are waiting for your next paycheck or just have a mountain of other things on your to-do list, we totally get it. (Really we do - but the good news is we have appliances again and were able to cook real food last night! But I digress...) You still have time! We likely won't know our travel dates for another few weeks. But, we should note that we've been surprised by this process many times over (like the time something was supposed to take a few days but took 4 months, or the time something was supposed to take 8-10 weeks but took 5 days), so let's just say this blog post serves as your friendly reminder. We're really just grateful to have you along for the ride!

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

"children know when they're being rejected"

We heard this story about the adoption of a little boy on StoryCorps, and it hit right to the core of why we're adopting. Every child deserves a loving family, no matter the circumstances of their birth or the path their lives will take. Knowing that this man would do it all over again gives us hope that no matter what difficulties we may face as parents, it's all worth it.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

confidentiality

We know you want details. Really, we know. But you're just going to have to wait.

Soon after we matched with our child, we were called into the agency to do the next wave of paperwork. (So. Much. Paperwork.) At the time we were told that we would be required to sign a confidentiality agreement. Meaning, we cannot share any information about our child until we take her into custody. What?! Just when we're ready to shout if from the rooftops, we're told we have to keep a lid on our daughter's beautiful face until we bring her home?! Yes, exactly.

So what can we tell you? Well, first, we chose to adopt from China. Within the first couple weeks we had it narrowed down to China, India and the Democratic Republic of Congo. There are a lot of reasons we finally decided on China, but we'll save the top reason for another post. She's from Southern China, near the Canton region. Fortunately, we'll still be able to use our Mandarin!

The next critical detail: it's a girl. And that was quite the shock to us. About 90% of those who adopt (anywhere) will only accept the match of a girl child. This means lots of boys get left behind. The children in Chinese orphanages are about half and half. We decided early on that we'd be happy to welcome a girl or boy into our family. We were told that because people wait in line for years for girls, we'd very likely be bringing home a boy. Great! So, for months we've been preparing to bring home a son. And then we found out that, in fact, we had matched with a girl.

What else? She'll be about 18 months when we bring her home. She's tiny but has very well-developed social skills. And she doesn't like it when anyone tries to take a toy away. We're thinking Frankie's going to have a rough time adjusting.

Beyond that, we don't actually have much more information. We probably won't be posting any pictures to social media when we do bring her home, so you'll just have to come visit!

Friday, February 20, 2015

neutral

We intend to stay neutral with this kid for as long as we possibly can. Gender neutral, that is. She'll get enough from society telling her what gender is and what it means to identify as a particular gender. So for now, we're keeping all clothing, toys and the like gender neutral (yay for monochrome!).

This means no frills, tiaras, bows, sparkles or the like (until she gets old enough to demand whatever it is she wants to wear). Really. But… If you really, really want to do something to show how excited you about this little one joining our family, please click the "Donate" button to help us raise $6,000 to go toward care for the rest of the children in the same orphanage where she's being raised! There's nothing that would make us happier in this time of celebration (and a whole lot of anxiety). Really.

Friday, February 13, 2015

giving back

In case anyone is wondering, adoption isn't cheap. But raising kids isn't either. No matter where you are. And although we often wish we had more money for this or that, we know we're pretty damn privileged. 

Something that really struck us very early in the process is that there are an awful lot of children in orphanages. And we're only bringing home one. And since we can't bring them all home, we're compelled to give back to the orphanage that has been caring for our daughter. 

So we've decided to donate $6,000 to help cover the care for all the kids that won't be coming home with us.* And we'd love your help! See that "Donate" button to the left? Simply click that, and you can help us give back to the orphanage that is making our adoption possible. 

We cannot thank you enough for your support!

*Our agency is helping to ensure this is a sanctioned process. They've done this many times over! We are confident these funds will be used by our daughter's orphanage to care for the children. 

Friday, February 6, 2015

first choice

Yes, it's true. We're adopting! And while it may have taken us more than a decade to choose parenthood, it took us no time at all to choose adoption as our path to parenthood. There are many reasons adoption is our first choice, but really it's about being able to provide a loving home to a child who needs a family.

We can't say this journey has been easy. In fact, it's been quite the roller coaster ride. But now that the arrival of our daughter is just a few short months away, that's all that really matters. Our agency has been helping us to navigate this very long and convoluted process, encouraging us all along. There were plenty of times we felt this process may never end, but now suddenly we can't believe how quickly it's all coming together! So stay tuned, friends, because we're bringing home our daughter this spring!