Monday, March 30, 2015

adoption 101

We had to do a lot of trainings in order to be approved to adopt. Most of the training hours are part of the home study process, which also includes writing assignments, several interviews, a home tour (we had to do this part twice), fingerprinting, background checks, and many, many other steps. As we get closer to bringing our daughter home, we find ourselves wondering whether we should be reviewing some of those training videos, or perhaps reading one or two of those books we bought way back when.

We'll probably email a video or two directly to those of you that will be spending time with her in the early months, to help you understand what it's like to be raised in orphanage and what children experience when they are (essentially kidnapped to be) brought to an adoptive home.

She will, without a doubt, be very confused. Experts recommend that to limit confusion, we need to limit the stimuli. For example, keep the toys and other material items to a minimum. And, especially, keep the new faces to a minimum. Having new people come in and out for the first month or two will only confuse her more, and may delay attachment to her adoptive parents (yep, that's us!). So, don't be offended if we ask you to take a step back and avoid visiting until summer. We know you're excited, but please keep in mind that this child will be experiencing considerable trauma and we need to do everything we can to help her feel safe. That is, after all, our job as her parents.

We can't really predict how she'll react, but the trainings will hopefully help us to keep some perspective if she rejects one or both of us (more likely mom!), initially. If you're interested in more information, just ask!

In the meantime, here are a couple of the books we'll be reading over the next month:

The Family of Adoption, by Joyce Maguire Pavao
Parenting your Internationally Adopted Child, by Patty Cogen

In other news: the remodel continues to drag on. Should be (better be) wrapped up in less than two weeks. And we just learned we need to replace our furnace. Yippee!

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